Rough Spots and How to Get Through Them

Have you ever looked back on a part of your life and wonder how you even survived?? Like if someone had told you beforehand what was going to happen, you might have just locked yourself in the bedroom and never came out? Or maybe hopped in the car and ran away?

ME TOO


I have actually had 3 absolute terror of times that really define the above for me (I am only going back as far as I've been married). I would like to share them with you, as well as my views on those times now, and most importantly...how I got through them. If you are going through an especially tough time now, I hope I can encourage you a bit :).


Hard time #1. Miscarriage. I lost my 2nd child at 14 weeks pregnant. I had some spotting so made an appointment right away. The Dr found no heartbeat. It was such a shock, and did not feel real to me at first. Having to tell friends and family was really hard. I was embarrassed for some reason. Like I was insignificant because my body couldn't keep a baby alive (which isn't even true!). I had to have an emergency D & C the next day because my body went into miscarriage but I was too far along to pass it myself.

It was such a lonely feeling to lose a child. I still feel the sting once in a while, even though it was 7 years ago.

I remember what really helped me in those first couple weeks was holding my 1 year old daughter. She was such a comfort to me! I know for a fact that God sometimes shows us his Love through the innocence of a child. And that is exactly what happened in this instance.

My oldest (this pic taken at age 4)


Four months later, I became pregnant again. We were so excited!! I went in for routine bloodwork. That night the nurse called me. "Your hormone count is really high. This means either you have twins, or something is wrong."

That night I broke down. I told God that if I lose this baby too, I am not having any more! In hindsight, I wish I would have rested in Him. But, I didn't. I was heartbroken.

Long story short, everything was fine with that pregnancy. And, it wasn't twins, either. Just a [very hormonal?] baby boy!

But we balanced it out with a very unhormonal name- Alexander Troy.


Sometimes I sure don't understand why bad things happen like this. It wasn't a product of anything we did, and we couldn't have prevented it. But now, looking back, I think that it made me stronger. It made me appreciate my pregnancies and the miracle of bringing a life into this world. It gives me a source of "I've been there" comfort to other Moms. And it also helped me to learn that God has my back- when it seems hopeless, a great blessing could be just moments away! This is why when bad things happen now, I try to look at it through goggles of faith. Remembering that when God closes one door, another one always opens.

Deuteronomy 31:8 It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”


Hard time #2. RSV. I had my 3rd (and final) child on February 16th, 2009. Prime RSV (which is basically a fancy word for a bad cold) season. When my daughter was 2 weeks old, we all had to take a trip to the Dr. because everyone was sick! My son was the worst. He was wheezing and it concerned me. Really, I only decided to take all 3 because of him. Figured I may as well.

As it turns out, my older two were fine. Breathing treatments and a little antibiotics and they were set. Then she looks at Sonja, my 2 week old. I had thought she was the "healthiest" of them all. But, when the Dr. listened to her lungs, she said "You need to take her to the hospital".

WHATTTT??

I was NOT expecting that. My sister in law had luckily came with me to the appointment, so she took the older 2 home while I headed to the hospital.

The first day there was an utter nightmare. You can read my post on it HERE. I stayed pretty strong until they had to do the spinal tap. I had to leave the room. I called my Grandma (who is a nurse) and just broke down.

The doctors kept teling me "babies that breastfeed don't get sick. She may have an autoimmune disease". I was scared to death, and began thinking the worst- that I could lose my new child.


Of course, the Dr's were wrong, and she just had RSV, even though she was breastfed.

We spent a week at the hospital. They had to continually deep suction her lungs and give her antibiotics via IV. I was frazzled beyond comprehension. This week was also the week of my midterms for my college courses, and my other 2 babies were sick at home. It was one of the worst weeks of my life!

At one point, I was so sleep deprived that when I changed my daughter's diaper, I just left it on the ground. I felt like I couldn't even move. The nurse came in and freaked out! She lectured me out germs, laziness, etc. When I think of that nurse now, I picture horns on her head! HA, ok not really. But, at the time, I could not believe the mean words she was saying. I broke down and sobbed. When my family came in later that day, I told them what happened. Boy did they make sure the head nurse heard about it!

So, how did I get through it? Well, I survived! For the most part, I didn't let myself think of what was actually going on, I just dug my heels in and barrelled through. Almost like an autopilot...I felt like if I actually sat down and pondered what was going on, I wouldn't make it through. I still believe that way. I asked for a lot of prayer, and I felt those prayers. I leaned on my family and friends when everything got to me (the spinal tap and the diaper woe). Looking back now, I see that my daughter is super healthy, and such a vital part of our family. I also see that God knew this whole time that she would be fine- and while we can only see the present, He is all knowing. That is, again, why I have decided to trust Him with everything. Not trusting Him, to me, is like getting all bent out of shape over something my husband did before having a chance to hear him out. He usually has a good reason for what he does, but if I set it in my mind that he was wrong, I miss that.

"The stars may fall, but God’s promises will stand and be fulfilled."–J. I. Packer



Hard Time #3 I don't even know what to title this one!

We own a landscaping business, and winters can be slow. So, we got a great idea to sell Jason's uncle's Christmas trees! It would help us to get through the slow season and maybe we could actually have a nice Christmas!

That was SO a bad idea.

How I began to view Christmas trees

Not only did we lose $10,000 that we didn't have, I also had other stressors during that time-
#1- our business got audited, and I am the company's bookkeeper
#2- I was going to college full time
#3- my oldest daughter was having frequent fevers of 105 (which later was diagnosed as reflux of the kidneys).

So, what this meant basically was- the kids and I helped run the Christmas tree lot (unless my daughter had a fever, then we mostly had to leave that to Jason), then I did my college work, and in between there I had to work with my accountant (which was NOT a good thing, she messed up on our taxes pretty royally) and the auditor. All the while we were losing money daily.

You know how with the other "hard times", I can say "looking back, this is how I got through". No, not this one. I have NO idea how we got through this one. It was nothing short of the grace of God. I DO know that I just didn't let myself break down. I knew if I did, I would give up. I had learned a little bit from my other hard times, and that "this too shall pass". The tree lot and the audit had time stamps. If I could just hold up until January, they would be over.

The tree lot and audit did end, but we weren't left unscathed. We ended that year in a grand total of 38,000 in debt. Our accountant made some mistakes on our last 3 tax returns that landed us owing the IRS 18k. It has been tough getting digging out of this debt, but with God there is always hope.

Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."



What have I learned from this? I learned that it is ok to make big mistakes. That sometimes they are our fault completely even though they are unforseen (the accountant's mistakes). That sometimes as a business owner, we take gambles and lose (tree lot). But what I really learned, is that in the end- I still had my family. I still had my faith. And now, 3 years later- we are wiser for it.


I guess my conclusion is, bad things happen- whether its a result of our mistakes, or simply a side-effect of living in an imperfect world. The one thing I would change looking back isn't what happened to me- but how I responded. I would trust God a lot more. I would have spent a few less nights worrying. I would have taken a lot of guilt off of myself.


That's what I want you to do if you are going through a hard time...and that is what I pray that I wlll do when I face my next struggle.

Thanks so much for reading!

What Really Matters

I used to be a clean freak- Jason would call me OCD for fun. But, having 3 kids in a matter of 4 years really messed all that up! Not to mention 2 dogs!!

The first 4 years of my marriage were spent raising babies. I had my first child in 2005, second in 2007, and third in 2009. Things were crazy for the first few years!


My bundles of joy...and chaos! :)


More Chaos :)





I learned very early on that I can either have a super clean home, or I could have time with my kids. With our lifestyle, it was really hard to accomplish both. For the first 4 years of the kiddos lives, I was going to college....and working from home as a bookkeeper....and having my husband work many hours a week (which he still does), leaving all the household responsibilities to me. All the while I was the full-time "stay at home" Mom to a newborn, 1, and 3 year old. Needless to say, keeping a sparkling home was going further and further down my list of priorities.

Something I learned to embrace early on is that, aside from the Lord, my family is #1. Life is always going to be "too busy"- I will never be able to get everything done. But, I CAN take the time for the important things in my life. My first priorities were being a Mommy and a Wife. I have taken that priority very seriously, and do not regret it.

I am the mom that will drop everything to play a game of Candyland with my kids, or going out back and fingerpainting, or teaching my kids how to bake. We also did preschool daily in our home, and crafts. And science experiments. And built forts...the list goes on. I took them on weekly field trips, had a devotion with them every day, dropped my windex to dance on a whim, and cuddled them whenever they asked. When Jason came home from work, we all sat down to eat a homecooked meal. I talked to him about his day, and told him about ours. Then we had family time, which included things like going for walks with the dogs, watching a movie, or playing a game. After the kids went to bed, Jason and I hung out together and built our friendship and marriage.

Here are some pics of the great memories we have:



I felt that when the day was at it's end, I had truly done my best to be the wife and mommy, business partner and friend, that I could possibly be. That felt so good...I felt accomplished.

They were my #1. So, after them came work/school, then meal-planning and grocery shopping/cooking, then health and fitness. And guess what got left by the wayside much of the time? My poor house. I have had off-and-on symptoms of CHAOS (Cant-Have-Anyone-Over-Syndrome). It sucked! My husband is a huge people person and always wanted visitors- and I would freak out because my house wasn't clean. So now I still had the "clean freak" attitude, without the clean house! It has been my biggest struggle! I dealt with feeling inferior a lot of the time. It looked to me like everyone else had it all together, and I was just this inadequate person! Jason would always try to tell me that "everyone has the same hours in the day, and no one can do it ALL". But I was pretty much convinced that everyone BUT ME could do it all!

Finally, I had a couple of older Moms (they are so wise!)tell me just not to stress about the home. If my kids are happy, well-behaved, and my husband isn't overly worried about a perfect home, to just let it go. No Mother of grown-up children has EVER told me, "wow, you are going to regret not cleaning your tub some day". I instead have heard woman after woman tell me how they WISHED they would have let their house go sometimes and just spent time with their kids. So, when it all comes down to it, I'm thankful that I did what I did. I let go of thinking that I am inadequate, and instead embraced that God gifted me with children and a husband, and I truthfully did my best to savor every single moment.

BUT.....


BUT!!!!!!


Now, I have a 4,5, and 7 year old. They are old enough to employ in daily chores, and I am ready to claim my house back! My schedule has relaxed a bit, as I am not needed every second of every day (it's more like every 5 minutes now). I have recently found a great website, www.flylady.net, and have been putting many of her principles to work the past few months. My goal is to decorate our house to feel homey (I have not decorated...like, at all...since the kids have been born), and have it just clean enough that someone can stop by at any time and I don't feel panicked. It doesn't have to be perfect. I've given up on perfect! But, I do want a good schedule to keep everything flowing smoothly.


My first chore right now is getting us all the way unpacked. We've lived here almost a month now, and still have a lot of unpacking to do. We haven't had a free weekend since we moved, so it has been a little trying. During the week I homeschool (since we moved near the end of the shcool year, I am homeschooling Jayna until August), as well as have other obligations. Jason is working obscene hours currently. So, getting this all started has not been quite as "epic" as I would have liked. But I am slowly getting there. Our sink has been staying clean, our living room and kitchen is all unpacked and we've kept up with that. Laundry WAS doing well until our washer broke (UGH!).

Once we get unpacked and I get more of a system together, I will post about it!! This is a journey, and I am looking forward to its outcome :).


Post is linked with the following:

This post is linked with an amazing blog called A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, check it out!

The Bee Story

Oftentimes, I have wondered what I would do if I was in a crisis. Would I fight or fly? I usually think that I would be the scaredy cat who goes blank and can't do anything to help anyone. When Jason tells me stories of situations in his life and how he automatically responded, I can't help but think that I would never be able to do that. I just imagine myself being weak in an emergency. Then I met the bees....





Before I tell the story, let me point out two things-
1. I cannot kill anything. I catch spiders and take them outside to let them go. I'm pathetic.
2. I am allergic to beestings.

So, this story goes back to our move from Avondale. We were loading up our truck, minding our own business, when suddenly a HUGE swarm of bees came upon us. There were hundreds!! We went inside for a while to try to wait for them to leave, but they just hung around! We had no idea what to do...we had to move...so, I stayed inside and packed and Jason kept moving our stuff. Except, he had to have the door open to move boxes out....so....bees came in!

Within minutes there were dozens of bees in our house. Our house seriously sounded like a soda can with a bee in it. I could hear buzzing everywhere. My kids were running from wall to wall being chased by the creatures. It was like a real, live, NIGHTMARE. I (as far as we know) am the only one allergic to bees, so I wasn't scared for my children's lives, but I was a little worried that I may end up in the hospital myself!

I felt panicked for a few seconds, I must admit! I was flustered and had no idea what to do.But then, I had an automatic "crisis switch" that went off...and I got MAD! I hurried and grabbed my kids, and got a fly-swatter. Then the battle began!!

I couldn't believe my own "ninja skills" when killing these bees. I was a jump-swatting, window-hitting, mid-air, mid-floor, killing machine! No bee landed alive! Soon I had killed over 50 bees. When a bee started flying at me, I didn't run. I braced myself and swatted the thing probably a little harder than I needed to, and then stepped on it a few times to make sure it was dead- (yeah, sweeping and mopping was fun afterwards).

Anyways, my point of this story is...even though this is a relatively small "crisis", I realized that I did have the capability to react and defend myself and my family. It was very reassuring to know that when it comes down to it, I am able to do what I gotta do!

After the war, my youngest (the ham) and I took a couple pictures to remember this day. I love her personality!!

A Really Hard Day

February 16th was a tough one for me this year...so bitter sweet. I have officially reached the point in Mommyhood that so many women talk about, but I never thought would happen to me. This past week on Feb 16th, my BABY has turned 4 years old. I am getting to the insane mindset that I *almost* wish I could have another baby. I say almost because if I really sit and think about it, I know that my family is complete.

I did cry a little on Sonja's 4th birthday though (ok, maybe I cried a lot). I don't know why, but to me, age 4 just is the threshold to being a "kid" instead of a "baby". I have no more babies :-( I know that each year will hold new memories and great adventures, but I know babies- in fact, for the past 7 years I've had at least one kid under 3 (and at one point, I had 3 kids under 4!). So, this new stage in life is a tad uncomfortable. It's going to be even worse in 1 1/2 years from now when all 3 kids are in school- I'll have another melt down accordingly.


Newborn pics

Sonja was a surprise, to say the least! And I was not too thrilled in the beginning (although I cannot even fathom that now!). BUT, when we had our 2 children and were "done", I kept having a feeling there was another kid around. Like, literally, in our house. I'd even tell Jason, "I take Jayna and Xander somewhere, and feel like I'm forgetting my third kid". Well.....I found her! She was just waiting to be born. And oh what a joy she is!




10 month old cutie


She is probably the typical "baby of the family". She gets spoiled rotten by brother and sister, is pretty easy going, is funny and goofy, and doesn't let her age stop her from doing anything her siblings can do. Except when it's something she doesn't want to have to do- like get her shoes on...she talks a big bro or sis into doing that!


Sonja was feeling left out this day as Jayna got to ride a horse (at 18 months).


She has a 'tude, but she also has the sweetest and most tender heart. She cannot stand to see others cry, she will immediately burst into tears along with them. She LOVES to sing and dance, and her current favorite song is "I'm Running to Your Arms" by Newsboys.


Her 4th birthday we went to her favorite place on earth...Chuck E. Cheese. That girl loves Chuck E.! She is the kid that is always right in his face :). Having a birthday party there meant that Chuck E. spent some time with her, and she was totally thrilled!


she basically had the time of her life :)

She had a Care Bear party, and my Mom made her the most awesome cake


We all love baby Sonja to death and are SO GLAD that God decided to give her to us. What a blessing she is!! Now, as for the baby blues....
I'm planning on making fast friends with some babies' Mamas and having some babysitting time to cuddle them- hey, at least I can send them back before the rude awakenings (literally) take place!!

My Love story..... 7 years married!!

Ok, so I am not sure exactly how this post is going to go. Usually I have a pretty good layout in my mind before I get going. But this post is different. It's directly from the heart. This post is about my absolute best friend- my husband, Jason.


Picture of us taken right before we started dating. Jason gave me this photo, complete with the saying. Such a keepsake!



We had our first "date" (which I will explain later) on February 4th, 2003- exactly 3 years later (February 4th, 2006), we were married. I made the best decision in the world! I remember that on New Years Eve the year before Jason and I started dating, I was in deep prayer with God and profoundly heard him tell me "Do not worry so much about your life, you will never mess it up beyond repair. You will have a joyful life." I had a lot of things that had happened in my childhood and teenage years that left me feeling pretty rotten at times. But this promise from God was so clear, and I never forgot it.

Oh, and one more thing to add before I get into my story- When I was 13 (and kinda silly), I somehow convinced myself/tried to convince God that the guy I should marry would say Proverbs 13:12 at some point (which ends up being wildly profound both by it's content and by the fact that Jason's # is in fact, 13. The funniest part of this is, I closed my eyes, opened my book, and pointed to find this "destiny verse". I know, it was about as crazy as Gideon's request from God. But hey, it seemed to work just as well!


This is one of our engagement pictures.

So, anyone who has known us for more than 7 years knows that we had some very rough times. I do not really care to get into details on those, but I do want to say that, contrary to what I totally believed once, time (and God), really does heal everything! There are things that don't bother me now that I once SWORE up and down would. I remember a dear friend Lora Henning sat and talked with me my first year of marriage. She told me that the past would fade, but I doubted her. She was so right though. As long as the person has truly changed (and in this case, we both had some changing to do!), time really does heal all! ...and that is all I care to dealve into the "rough patches" (although I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have- email me at r.christina@gmail.com! The most important part of the story is God's miraculous match-making despite of trials, problems, and mistakes!





Sooo- February 4, 2003, around 7pm. I am in my college class, English 101, I believe. I get this weird feeling that Jason is going to walk in (this hunk I've had a crush on since the Christmas play). To this day I couldn't tell you how I "knew" he was around. He'd never done anything like this before. We were only friends.

When class is over, I head for my car. I can hardly believe it when the car next to me is a black tahoe that looks awefully familiar.....


Jason rolls down the window and asks if we can talk for a minute. In this talk he says that he likes me, but (and I still tease him about this), he "doesn't know how much yet". He was so nervous! He said "Is it getting hot in here?" a couple of times! It was so sweet. I told him that since I was still 17 (not 18 until July), he needed to ask my mom if we could date. He did, and she agreed. We definitely knew pretty quick that we were perfect for each other. And, yes...in case you were wondering- he said Proverbs 13:12 in May, 2003. I was so excited!!! Then in June we started the really rough patch that actually stretches until June 2005- can a 2 year stretch still be called a patch??? The important part is, it was obviously God that brought us together the first time, and it was Him that made it work out the 2nd time as well. This is where the irony of Proverbs 13:12 comes in- "Hope delayed makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life". That was so profount to me once we got back together. "Hope" was in a sense deferred for 2 years, but it ended up being fulfilled.


Jason wanted to get married as soon as he proposed in August, 2005. But I really wanted to have an actual wedding, and after looking at the calendar, realized that our anniversary of our first date landed on a Saturday! So, Jason reluctantly agreed to wait :). I'm not sure what he was SOOO anxious for, as we already had a 6 month old baby (Jayna!!!). Maybe it was just the desire to be a real family, all under one roof (which I admit I was a little anxious for as well).


This picture was taken in April 2010-I unfortunately don't have access to all my pictures at this time

So, we got married. We moved to Awhatukee, and life was HARD! I, admittedly, thought I made a mistake. NOT because of what was going on at the time, but because of the= PAST. Such an ugly word!! I have memories of being in tears and literally vomitting at remissions of past memories. Yeah, the first year was tough. On top of that...I had a miscarriage. We got pregnant on our honeymoon (we decided we wanted to have our children close together), but I lost the baby at 14 weeks (May 10th, 2006). So- between hormones and past issues and first year marriage struggles...things. were. tough. BUT- Jason had been raised so well. When I was ready to run away (think emotional drives up to Payson), and I'm pretty sure he was having second thoughts too (though he'd never admit it), he reminded me that we had VOWS, and NOTHING would seperate us now. I was "STUCK" with him. I will just say it is really good that he had those values- because honestly, as much as I loved God and loved Jason and Jayna, I don't know if I would have lasted without his strength.

So, year one= HARD. But, it only got better from there. We both learned a LOT. We both persevered. We both learned how to be unselfish. And in 3 years, we both had 2 more children!!

Taken in Dec 2009. Family complete!!


At this point in this blog, I need to just let it out and say how awesome my husband is. He has so many attributes that it is kind of hard to know where to start. But I'll just let it flow as it comes. Jason is a hard worker- he has a strong work ethic and has such a desire to support his family. He has a strong conviction that I should be home with our children to raise them. Which is great because I feel that way as well. However, even though I am the homemaker (I have ran a small daycare and/or the office side of the business as well), he does not come home and say "hey, where's dinner", or "why are my favorite pants still dirty, or "what exactly do you do all day??" He is always supportive, loving, and a gentle. Don't get me wrong- he can yell like no other when he is being defensive (and we have gotten into our share of fights!). But every year we are learning more about how to deal with each other and make life easier and better for one another.

Jason is also an exceptional father. Like....really. He loves to play with them (aka wrestle, throw, etc), talk with them, brag about them, etc. He is the all-star dad. He dreams of their future and how he will provide for it. He wants the best for them. How amazing it is to share with someone the parental love of children!! There is nothing else that compares!


Mom-n-Kids


Jason is not a "romantic" as many would say...but whatever he does or says comes directly from the heart. I can feel the love he has for me radiating off of him, and that is wonderful. He is fiercely loyal and devoted. Who could ever ask for more??


We have definitely had our ups and downs this past 7 (or 10, depending on how you want to look at it) years, but every year we understand each other a little bit more, and definitely fall more in love. The 7 year itch is no where to be found!!




April, 2010

Jason and I, like many couples, are opposites in many areas. I am the saver/penny pincher, and he is the spender. I want a simple life, and he is more grandious (talking material), I am a over-thinker/ ponderer/ whereas he is very spontaneous. I like my privacy, and he really could care less who sees what. I am emotional, he is not (unless it's a movie that involves sad scenes of the kids or wife...sorry, Jason..but it's so cute!!). I tend to have reserved moments, and he is always outgoing/I wanna talk allllll dayyyy/ let everyone come over/ I love people!! So....we differ. But, we differ in areas that really help us to grow. I in fact envy a lot about his personality. I also learn a lot and have made changes because he has brought to my attention, simply by being himself, a vision of a better "me" that I want to be. Jason likes to say that we are "yin" and "yang"- which seems pretty accurate.


All-in-all, we are a match "made in heaven". There is just too much evidence to say that we were not meant to be, even though Jason and I both think that the "only one person for you" idea is untrue (or, do we???)

Here are a few more random pics of us! I am so happy to be a Ritter (German for Knight, which is where I get the blog title!!)

Reserve Army

I absolutely LOVE this idea by James Dobson of Moms being the "Reserve Army". I really feel like he hit the nail on the head. I have many times been tempted to go back to work, and/or have planned on going once the kids were all in school.

BUT-

I am now a firm believer that if one parent can stay home, and be the "reserve army", it is best case!
I am very fortunate that I have an accounting degree and can do some bookkeeping from the home, but I don't think I will ever get more than a very part time job at any point.

You know, it's just one of those articles you gotta read for yourself!

Here's The Article